Too good to be true

The opposite of "as good as it gets" could also be "too good to be true". There is a concept in many places that everything will be OK, everything is for our good, or something similar. In the movie "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel", Dev Patel says " Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end."

The singer (who reminds me of me) leads the choir to sing "working it out" over and over and over again "for my good, said he would, for my good".

How can suffering, injustice, poverty, selfishness, prejudice, deceit, greed be for my good. And how can everything revolve around each person for their good?  It just doesn't make sense that everything will turn out alright, for our good, for each and everyone.

But this concept is there. We assure each other that things will be OK despite that we favor some over others and assume it must be the case with God. So many dismiss what cannot be understood. I can't persuade anyone of the truth in the song except to say I see what is happening to me to be "too good to be true" but here I am.

(I found a post of my favorite gospel song that got me hooked on this kind of soulful music)

Take 6 - Set U free

Take 6 - Set U free

Everybody wants to know
What the future has in store
Will you be or will you won’t
Where is that pot of gold?
When confusions got you bound
And it’s hard to make a sound
Just put your trust in me
I’m here to set you free

I’m here to set you free
Want to fill you with my love
I’m here to set you free
Want to fill you with my love

I don’t have a magic pill to give
But i can change the way you live
And just the place to start
Is deep inside your heart
If you give my love a chance
You will enjoy the dance
And if put your trust in me
I’m here to set you free

I’m here to set you free
Want to fill you with my love
I’m here to set you free
Want to fill you with my love

Sometimes life can knock you out
And keep you sleeping thru the count
But as long as i know that you’re rising to your knees
I will lift you off the canvas and set your mind at ease
I’ll set you free

I’m here to set you free
Want to fill you with my love
I’m here to set you free
Want to fill you with my love

I’m here to set you free
Want to fill you with my love
I’m here to set you free
Want to fill you with my love
Set you free

infinitam libertatem - infinite liberty

Infinite liberty (infinitam libertatem) rather than "as good as it gets". Not that enjoying what we have is bad. But I want to enjoy the freedom to create, to search for answers, to explore, to change, to make mistakes, to love, feel bad, cry, laugh.... ad infinitum. After all, if the sun is shining inside despite the weather, what is impossible?

Why music and lights

Things that are so "commoditized" and even free, are perhaps both the simplest and complicated tools for our well-being. Light is everywhere. The cycle of natural light runs the our lives. Deprivation of light can cause health problems but too much light can also blind us. In Physics, light is both a wave and separate photons. It's speed is thought to be absolute even though you can slow it down. A mystery.

Music is just an arrangement of sounds. It started with folk or societal music but after many years of commercialization, it is now something we buy and sell. But think about what music is and we wonder why the technical, sonic and literary aspects plus the way it is performed and heard can cause emotions much deeper than the sum of all the parts. And each person can have a different response to the same music.

Just because they are taken for granted and the media technology has overexposed great images and beautiful sounds, maybe we have become numb to the reality of the art. The use of music and light is basically music videos, movies and live performances. 3D came and went so fast and we are now facing 4K (4 times the resolution of HD). Unlimited and pervasive digital bandwidth is assumed so we can see and hear all this quality everywhere, anytime.

Yes, I geeked out in the last paragraph. But that's the point. It's like when High Fidelity (Hi-Fi, which the spell checker no longer recognize) music used to be the goal of sound systems where the technology and equipment can overtake the focus on the art of music, images can also take the focus off the quality of music. Great sounding music is not necessarily great music. For instance sexy images are often used to numb us to mediocre or bad music.

For me, the simplicity of light and sounds that can stir the soul. That's the point! And I'm rediscovering this everywhere. I'm finally singing a new song.

Basic bass

I sang bass and know how to play. It's been a while. I've been using portable music players ever since they were mass produced which is most of my 51 years. And I got used to having the music needing more bass. Also most of that music players on phones actually do not sound good enough to me. And I didn't care much until now.

No I don't need the US$1000 headphones and players that some insist upon. But as I regained my sensitivity to life, joy, celebration... The nuances of sound suddenly became more important. Most smart phone output is not up to par. And I don't like to be interrupted if I'm listening to music. So I bought a mini music player and earphones...

After listening to it very satisfied with the heavy bass sound for a year, I recently changed. I wanted a more balanced sound instead of the numbing bottom heavy rhythms overpowering the music.

The change reflects what my heart wants. Instead of too much of anything (even money) I am back to seeking a simpler (but probably still difficult) set of goals.

The overwhelming bass line is like having too much money. The bass line is cool but doesn't always produce the best emotional inspiring music and response. Money can similarly numb us to places of the heart, to the delicate beckoning of the weak and can confine us to respond to whomever calls us loudly...

Truth in life and the best musical experience is in the balance of technical excellence and soulful performances, between listening and participating. Once it crosses some emotional threshold, something stirs our deepest self, makes us want to dance, and awakens our dormant soul.

Could it be that desperation is covered by some exaggerated part of our lives that numbs the one most important person we need to know before we can really live and help each other? What is your exaggerated bass line? Money, work, an affair, children, laws, a schedule, food, exercise, looks, reputation, fear... I think any or all of them can be at one time or another.

This entry is rather difficult and I'm not sure if I succeeded in saying how the new joy in music and life that has been reignited is changing me more than ever. I'll keep trying in this blog and in my life.

No apologies

I'm generally known to be a nice guy. Someone described me as mild when I was a teenager. It's just an image people hold of me because I often smile, have a big head and wide face. In college a friend thought I looked like the laughing Buddha. That was before I put on 80 pounds to become the chubby professional who attracted too much attention when I visited Hanoi. People all over would stare at the bald fat guy and shout out Buddha. One guy on a bicycle literally ran into a lamp post because he was too busy looking at the living Buddha... 

Even when I was 100 pounds over weight, I did not look down at myself except for the natural discomfort of having too much fat and weight. Now even this albatross is gone along with a lot of bad habits, prejudices, bad memories, false trophies and much more depressing stuff like that. (Click to hear the sassy old bad ass song).

Yet there was nothing wrong with most of what I did. It was how I handled the result or was handled. Being a nice guy, I actually do not mind being criticized. But don't expect I'll take it lying down with no reaction. Even if I get angry, I actually think about what is being said (after filtering out the mindless ones).

What I learned is that I can apologize for hurting someone even if I did not intend to, but I will not apologize for being myself.

My new normal

When I was down, the danger is that the digression becomes the equilibrium. It's a very geeky sentence.

Most people don't like change because it is so unpredictable. It's as if we believe the goal of life is to achieve a  completely risk free routine that runs like clockwork. Maybe it is because we fear a change is for the worse so we want to "cash in" and live as well as we are. Achievements seem like points or a badge of honor that we can hold on to.

I don't buy it. 

Life is more like the way our bodies work. After all of our experience is based on our physical existence. But our mind is very influential. Just take anorexia where someone's self image is skewed so much that they starve. If we don't grow, our bodies decay faster.

I'm not saying we can escape expiration when our bodies no longer function and we die. That is the only surety in life. Yet most of us just want to live a certain way the rest of our lives?

Even if we want excitement, so much of our behavior tends more towards stability and avoiding the expected. Go to school, excel, get qualifications, win awards so we can achieve some goal of living that we hang on to. For some it is fame, others security, wealth is popular... for me it is change which always have unpredictable results, therefore exciting.

Societies, companies, churches, clubs, families... any group function like our bodies. They are born and will end. While they exist, they will have ups and downs. But if the goal is to have no change, it is a sure road to some downward equilibrium.

I always wanted change. Physically, I found non-judgmental and inspiring modes of exercise that I like. I finally found out the right way to eat that makes me feel good and energetic. So after years of living, walking, working like the norm of industrial society, I am seeing a new normal.

It is growth in movement, in love, in hope, in inspiration, in friendships but also letting go of those who don't care and don't want change. Sickness is caused by stagnant situations that ignore our emotions.

Even in our old age, when we are weaker, slower ... things that make some  youth tremble and treat old people badly... we can still grow. There will be always our mind, our hearts, our lives can add something to someone, to have some fun, to enjoy, to feel passionate.

You see, stagnancy creates the worst ailment: numbness. When I felt numb during my convalescence,  I did all I could to stimulate all my senses. Finally, I see growth, more sensitivity, more passion...

Deeper feelings are both positive and negative. I cry and weep more. It's a pity that there is a myth that strong men "do not shed tears... only blood" ( common Chinese saying but a popular concept in many Asian cultures). Yet it is in the tears of change that we grow and learn to be strong.  This is my new normal.