Jail and the big blue sea

A Russian diplomat told me he felt stuck between a jail and the big blue sea to describe what he saw was coming after the Soviet Union dissolved. I never knew how deep the obvious irony was and how it spoke to fear and our self imposed limits until now.

Of course if you are released from prison to face the ocean, you swim right? But think about the dangers of deep waters, waves, sea monsters and the unknown and it's not a day at the beach. Both jail and the prospect of unknown future are things we like to avoid. See the irony?

I talk about my incarceration and most people want to write it off (as I would) to something horrible I did or a stupid mistake I made. Anything but think about losing freedom.

I wonder how free we really are? Even without being in jail.

I was locked up for 18 days and let me tell you being locked up was not the problem. It was the lack of recourse and the danger of violence that haunts me. Now the shock of the slamming gates (which still happens in Hong Kong everyday since most people put iron bars in front of the door), handcuffs and the fear of being hurt has finally subsided, I see how we all face "jail" of our own device.

I once had a dream about a bird in a cage floating on a beautiful lake surrounded by mountains. Of course I felt sorry for it until I saw there was an opening in the cage. He was there by choice. Good or bad, he did not want to fly. Are we like that bird?

If you read my past blogs, you would know I have pretty much lost everything I "earned" due to health and bad times. Having very little, I thank God for the food, my home, friends, the Sun, the rain...

Somehow I rediscovered the life that is here everyday above our worries, fears and lost dreams. To fly for humans is to taste life, take risks, love, hope, embrace...

I believe the most common bars we use to lock ourselves up is money. It took 7 years of living under a cloud to see that. Because now the bars are gone, I see how lovely the ocean is and how to build a boat with my friends.

What are you watching? Why just watching?

There used to be a TV, camera, phone, computer, organizer... But our smartphone can be all these things, as can our computer, tablet, notebook, convertible... whatever.

We used to look at the TV schedule and wait for what to watch. But we can watch, read, chat, write, share, post, take pictures, videos and meet using these "do it all things" anytime. Yet we still call them by their old names. The title just asks the question, what is this thing we are using all the time? They can be whatever you want.

What's missing are meaningful relationships, privacy, commitment and leadership to make something good. As an example, a good film needs talented people contributing in a organized way. If we wanted to, we could make something as interesting as great movies on the job, church, club, class, conference or whatever new way to meet will come tomorrow. So why are we just watching each other online and not creating something great together? 

Stairs

I think reaching good things needs a climb. I live on Hong Kong's hills. At the beginning, I still avoided stairs out of habit by taking public transport up and down. As I got fitter and my outlook on life changed, I now look for the hidden short cuts, nooks and gutters in this old part of the city. It's been romantic, rewarding, frustrating, sweaty but fun.

Like most people, I prefer flatland over hills. Elevators over stairs. Stable jobs over too much drama. I think I still do on a good day... but I prefer looking for better days.

There is an old steep and narrow stairway nearby. Using it required climbing up a little and squeezing past 2 way walking traffic. I never tried it until today and avoided 3 street crossings I had used so often.

In work and life, I prefer adventure. I was one of those kids who pretended he was in space, racing cars, making acceptance speeches, rocking out, reliving dramatic scenes... anything anywhere but the safe room I was in. In work, I chose harder unpopular jobs.

Yet after my 18 day prison experience 7 years ago, I started to avoid risk and wanted to settle down in "safety". Simultaneously my health deteriorated until I ended up at the hospital for 50 days. 3 years of healing, depression, exercise, diet change, moving, a toe amputation, hopelessness, love, romance, fun, friends and blogs later....

I'm loving stairs, challenges and problems again because it is in climbing that better things happen. A child, a company, a tree and perhaps life is about climbing, growing and discovering. Staying put may seem easier but it's the beginning of decline. My last 7 years can attest to that.

Real grown-up child-like magic

Kids like to believe in magic. Grown-ups have outgrown such childishness. Or have we?

I think we need magic in our lives. Of course make believe can be escapist and dark. If it's about manipulation of people, it is the source of evil. But magic that sets those we love free and we base it on commitment, is grown up and a far cry from the Cinderella ball and gown. Even in that fairy tale, the real magic is that the prince fell in love with her, went looking all over for her and still wanted her when she was in rags.

We have to look for magic or we die. The difference for grown-ups is we must first learn to give unconditional love for someone. This can be grueling but always life giving. If you make it through the death to yourself, magic comes back.

The seemingly childish make believe that adds games, hope, adventure and magic to otherwise mundane things must continue. For the end of dreams and passion is the beginning of dying.

We can't escape our bodies expiring but we can avoid a slow death of hopeless compromises. Building our fortress may seem secure and wise to some but if the walls in our lives keep out the magic in life... Well, I've actually seen people die from losing their dreams.

Why settle for the daily grind attitude and avoid seeking the moments that inspire? For life itself is a delicate combination of circumstances that make use of violent nuclear fusion in the Sun (that could melt us in an instant) to shine in our sky becoming the source of energy on the earth and sustains the life of a baby whose gentle smile and touch melts our hearts. Magic!

I believe we can make magic in life. Maybe it begins with music and lights. And continues with passion and dreams. But it always involves the people we love. Finding them is magic.

I'm a worldly geek

I'm a geek**. To me this means I'm a tech enthusiast, love gadgets and am passionate about making them work. Growing up when being this type of nerd was unfashionable or misunderstood, I guess I tried to hide my secret.

Joking aside, I'm a systems gadget guy who cares about the whole service from the servers to the software and the thing you're looking at to read this blog. For some reason, I thought my "geekiness" was still a hobby or something to do in my spare time. But sure as a billion smart phones will be sold this year, the talents of a technical person are indispensable.

During my past year of foot induced solitude, I've come to terms with myself, my God and those who love me. It's been freeing to ignore the "turkeys" (the seventies term for superfluous influence in life). But I've also returned to my passion in work.

Why settle for the boring old ways of doing if you have a choice? The gadget world are just cool looking small computers that people want to carry everywhere.

I've always used computer systems to get to know people, to think and get to know the world better. But the reach is so broad now. I want to invent new ways of learning, cooperating and having fun safely. So it's not just games and porn but ways to enjoy all of life.

I'm a worldly geek because it's cool!

**Is this Wikipedia definition outdated? "The word geek is a slang term for odd or non-mainstream people, with different connotations ranging from "a computer expert or enthusiast" to "a person heavily interested in a hobby", with a general pejorative meaning of "a peculiar or otherwise dislikable person, esp[ecially] one who is perceived to be overly intellectual".[1]"

Copping out on casual

I like casual. The neck tie is out of fashion ... about time. The noose belongs to the more formal occasions where you'd rather hang yourself than be there. ;-p

Yet casual has it's bad points too. It's a cop out. We call sex casual to avoid the implied intimacy of it. It translates to our casual friendships too because obligation and commitment are so easily confused, it's much easier to call friends casual.

Of course, because of time, work and family, we have to keep most friends casual. Our Facebook friends reflect this.

But what about romance, intimacy and love stories? Great love is not confined to our life partners. I'm constantly seeking the moments that change life, make the day better and show me new paths to wander. Keeping everything casual will never achieve that.

My new boring faith

Blogs like anything pop culture has to have some "tabloid quality" to be popular. I think I would get more readers if I posted a picture of my foot with 4 toes.

(It's a lot less sensational than the words to describe it because no one seems to notice at the pool. Just call me 19 digits).

As I grew in trust, my personal peace has reduced the drama of my thoughts. Lucky the number of viewers don't show up on my report card. ;-)

In fact knowing what people think or try to impose on me does not show up on a report card, is a key to calming me down. For if I'm not liked, there is nothing I can do to change that.

I just learned to stick to those who love me: Therefore boring faith.