The comfort of fate

The comfort of fate fits much of humanity's mindset. Because we are often subject to limits, power, rules, morals, authority... it is easy to accept much of what happens as unchangeable: therefore fate. Some even want power to determine the fate of others. Yet for most, there is comfort in having no choice.

My last 2 entries touch on this. Deferring to someone else to make our choices so we can blame them if we fail, or to keep our postulates secret in order to say "yeah, that's what I always wanted". There is comfort in giving up.

My personality seeks change. I know many do not. So fate feels like a bad word to me. Of course I know there are things I'm accepting everyday as unchangeable in order to keep the peace or show love to someone.

But for me there is no comfort there. My acceptance may be temporary in order to continue seeking some better way forward. There is always a path that is straight and wide (not narrow) but you just don't see it until you need it. But if you don't look, you'll never see it.

Postulate

Postulate just means to suppose, to guess, to wish, to set a bar... things we do all the time probably without knowing. We hope what we want will come true. But when it doesn't: some stop and think failure. Worse is when we think our supporters have deserted us.

To get up, see what can be learned from the process and results, can help us start again with an adjusted or new postulate. In other words: start over.

The key to getting through this common path is:

1. Expect the unexpected to discourage us.
2. Don't accept that the disappointment of others is a judgement on us.
3. Evaluate and learn.
4. Don't give up.

This process fits our relationships, our work, personal growth or even just a hobby. It is a matter of seeing rewards from the most unexpected places even though we will be discouraged along the way.

Note: Postulate is both a verb and noun.

I swear or facing myself

Ryan Reynolds wears a fat suit and lip syncs to "I swear" that promises love.
Take 6 sings an equally sappy tune but proclaims "love is one never ending circle, that brings us around to face ourselves."

I think Ryan was right to laugh at the sentiments of "I swear" that involves an awful lot of work and over the top goals.

The reason perfect love makes us face ourselves is that it is unconditional and gives us the protection, safety, freedom to see who we are and become who we want to be. If you read my blog, I often come back to the fact that most do not know what they want let alone who they want to be.

Instead, it's safer to defer to some higher being to tell us so if we fail, there is someone to blame. Yet the point of love is to free us from that fear of failure so we can see who we are, so we can love those we meet in our life. The treasure and joy of life lies here.

So the fear of the simple answer and seeing who we really are drives many to work really hard to change only to become what we do not want to be.

It's a heavy subject for those mired in the downward spiral of chasing a nightmare. Yet the way out is simply to let go and embrace forgiveness, truth, understanding... because "you (really) can't ask too much of love".

Missing you

"I wish" is a song about missing someone close who is no longer by our side. They are still around but just not with me.

During the emptiness from which I am rising, I realized that I do miss many people whom I value but they don't want to be with me. It is sad but part of life. It is a mystery that even the best intentions can seem to drive people to reject us. It does hurt but I have to say I now see I am better for it. But I still miss you.

I decided to add the lyrics:

"I Wish"

I wish I could've changed your heart
I wish that you were here with me

I just heard that you were gone
Now I'm feeling all alone
And I am praying that you hear me
I hope you did what had to
No matter what I still loved you
Cause I know you always went through

And all the times I have prayed for you
You would know what to do
But you wouldn't come through
And now it's killing me cause you're gone
I'll keep you close in my heart
But I don't know where you are


I wish I could've changed your heart
(That would've have made me happy)
I wish we didn't have to part
(Cause I hate to see you leave)
I wish that you were here with me
(Then you could love him just like me)
But wishing on you is all I can do cause
Now I'm missing you

I never turn my back on you
No matter who wanted me to
See we had a love that was true
And what you need to understand
I would've took you in my hand
But there was something you had to do

And it hurts me so bad to know
They didn't love you like me
Cause your heart they couldn't see
But you knew who loved you the most
I hope you obey his plan
And decided to stay


I wish I could've changed your heart
(That would've have made me happy)
I wish we didn't have to part
(Cause I hate to see you leave)
I wish that you were here with me
(Then you could love him just like me)
But wishing on you is all I can do cause
Now I'm missing you

Home is about "how"

A Chinese waiter in his 60's said while chatting, "I don't know much. Just leave home each day for work and shop on the way...." Nothing special but it made me realize the whole statement was about home. The restaurant is older than me and the staff has not changed much at all. I think he is contented with his home (which is the flat, the journey and the work) because he smiled when saying it.

We all have our dream house and family. Some like to have a big one, some want to be single with many possible variations. There is a lot of dissent about what is a traditional family and how it's destruction is hurting our children. On the face of it, many believe in a romanticized image of what it means. I won't go into it because traditions vary.

But one thing is common, the quality of the home and family is the key. How we treat each other is more important than the schedules, who is there, who is not and definitely not how much is spent. Affairs and lies, manipulation and lies, saving face above honesty, rituals without enjoyment, things above people, career above all else, ignoring those we love.... all destroy more than what a family looks like.

For home is really a matter of the heart. But in our world, far too much value is placed on how much, how many, how long and not really on just how the home becomes a place of refuge, rest, love and personal growth.

Ruben Studdard does "I wanna go home" sings out our longing for home.

A Priori Easter

History channel has a program discussing the proof of God's existence.  A lot of it seeks "supernatural miracles" that are different from known scientific principles. The world is full of holy sites, testimonies and books about God. Have you noticed that just about everyone assumes there is no God as the starting point (or A Priori) so that somehow he needs a lot of help to exist and be proven?

Imagine if we have to do that to our life partner: assume there is no love and that I do not exist. So everyday, we go through rituals like dates, sex, romance, pouting, gifts... just to prove we are life partners. A successful marriage must be A Priori that the union is valid, that all parties exist and that there is love of some kind. All the aforementioned rites would then be ways to deepen the union.

So there is no relationship when you have to prove existence just because it is assumed God does not exist.

I am not saying the celebrations are wrong. But they are just empty rituals if it is assumed the events are proving something instead of building on intimacy. So is Easter proof of God or His ultimate act of love? Another way to put it would be "He ain't trying to impress nobody".

If you're trying to impress somebody...

"If you're trying to impress somebody, it ain't workin'"... this is a quote from a movie someone ought to make about how so many popular choices are not attractive much less "amazing". I want to say it when I see mean faces, tastelessness, ostentatious displays...

These are nothing new. We all go through phases of "suck it" many times. Some survive but others actually like the attitude (or lack of it). But because media is now social, it just means that anyone can display their "suck it" videos, music, looks and think it's just "stunning" without realizing that being stung is unpleasant.

First, I don't want to impress anyone. If you are good, there is always someone better. And beauty is both fleeting and subjective. So I try not to dwell on anyone's judgement (good or bad).

Then there is the celebrity obsession to become a billionaire through Internet fame and popularity. Wanting to be a star is not new. There are just more of them and the crowd effect is less selective than before. At least you had to pay your dues in a cut throat industry before fame came, but now You Tube is enough.

So I would say it is really easy to live out fame that fizzles faster. This or any kind of fame in the madding crowds is not attractive to me; much less impressive. It's easy to believe the applause, the hype and the superlatives because of a moment in the "crowd in the cloud". And it should be enjoyable while it lasts.... but just not that impressive after that.

Creating monsters

"If you love somebody set them free." is from a song. Yet in the name of safety and stability, many leaders choose to limit freedom. It's a hard balance. Parenthood is even harder because many believe our children are "our" flesh and blood. I think in reality that life is on loan and will belong to our children in the end. To find the balance to set them free and protect is so hard.

The story of Frankenstein is sad and sensational because of the grey images of death and a half life. Of course, this parallels many real life situations that appear prettier and acceptable. Zombies, the supernatural and other legendary creatures remind us of ourselves be they fear or real.

Many leaders believe their success in their company or institution makes them so entwined that there is ownership. If a child is ultimately their own person, what makes a group of diverse adults belong to a leader.

The difference between influence and manipulation is subtle. It is about intent and implications vs duress and scheming. Some do the latter so well, their actions seem always disguised in good intentions. The more this is done, the higher the chance we create monsters closer to that of Frankenstein.

Whether you believe in a Creator or not, our dynamic Universe is full of mystery and beauty, chaos and patterns. There is both violence and peace, birth and death. For me I see brilliance and a plan that is somehow balanced between fate and choice, the universal and personal, solitude and companionship... I see creation to be so romantic, beautiful and deep it creates joy, purpose and love. I see humor, sadness, anger and courage. Most important there is no manipulation or forced behavior. Yet the freedom to be ourselves somehow makes us choose the right path to a creative, rich and loving life.

The opposite would result if coercion, conspiracy and traps were used. Yet in the name of progress, parents and leaders want to drive success and change using such enslaving tactics. Maybe it's a much faster way to get results.

But like a program or software, these methods actually code negative precedence and intent: sometimes yielding the very things we wanted to avoid. When our "creation" comes into their own, we may regret our choice of expediency over patient cooperation. For the monster is about death, inability to feel, staleness and putting their own existence above any notion of a life worth living.

Instant gratification

"Instant gratification takes too long" is a line from a movie. Ever since there was mass transport, communications and entertainment, we want immediate improvements.

It's OK to want fast food, fast love, fast texting, fast money. We are free to pursue what we want. I guess I should just stop here and leave the fast and furious to thrive. But that begs the question: is there is more to life than just being there first or being the best at any one moment?

To live in vitality and grow, good things involve waiting in enjoyment. Here are a few things I did as a kid which was rare then and nearly impossible now: to build an analogue amplifier or radio, a face to face "ad infinitum" (no set end time), romance, day dreaming, reflection... None of these give instant gratification.

I hate waiting no less than anyone. Yet it is in learning to wait for the right people, right moment and right resources to fall into place before taking off is so important. But just chasing the gratifying rabbits of life won't leave us much time, focus or energy to think and see. For quality is not easy and requires finesse. To arrive at a beneficial balance, there is no instant quality.

The pursuit of normalcy

We live at the tail end of the industrial age which could last a long or short time depending on the whims of those with power and money. But because of the pervasive media (social or mass) there is also power in numbers. Crowds are both easy and difficult to sway.

Unfortunately there are times when evil intent to take revenge or make up for some past debt gets disguised as reason for action and the masses can be pushed towards that. Another more subtle disadvantage on mass appeal is that crowds have no patience for complexity which unfortunately is the reason for most long standing problems.

But most institutions were designed to augment the mass appeal growth that appeared to work so well since reconstruction after World War 2. Now that the industrialization of the remaining large populations has begun at speeds faster than ever, perhaps the industrial age will meet its replacement sooner. Like a runaway train, the most populous countries are racing to industrialize and grow to catch up. What happens after that when even gross profit margins get squeezed to near negative ground and growth cannot make up for the losses? Maybe new markets will be there forever as if anything can last that long.

Even if growth by mass appeal can go on for a long time, this can be good or bad depending on the relationships on which they are built. When trust breaks down. When large powerful groups feel excluded, instability ensue. But the dependence on mass appeal, marketing and just numbers to get growth in the age of software is excluding more and more people.

Normalcy is the goal of the industrial age. 60-80% of the people are statistically normal. So companies, governments and public services have been designed to cater to the majority. It makes sense.

Take a closer look though and average is not really the goal of universities, learning, innovation and creativity. The exceptional is never normal. So why pursue something that is the most common denominator?

Pursuing normalcy is worthwhile if it yields valuable growth. This kind of mass appeal growth can go on if the following is true:

1. Profitability will not continue to drop as they have for the past 20 years.
2. Speculation will generate lower risk (despite the promise of short term rewards) for the longer term than true investment in talent, product, service and management excellence.
3. Entertainment is more important than productivity.
4. Cheap thrills are more fulfilling than culture, social engagement, learning and creation
5. If the masses make a mistake in judgement it is better than the rare wisdom of the minority. 
6. Discoveries and breakthroughs (enormous earnings are not considered a breakthrough) are in essence not worthy of the status quo except for money.

Yes, these are skewed to make my point. Of course you are free to be normal, ordinary and not stick out. It is after all the goal of most institutions to serve or sell to normalcy.