Less than zero: revenge and blame.

I got up really early today about an hour before the Sunrise and the saying: "the darkest hour is right before the dawn" is correct, I felt it. What started by a dramatic event that began a journey into my personal darkness never felt as dark as this past year.

I wanted the Sunrise to be a return to profitability but instead got truth, love, friends, eyes, heart and soul: all the things that make life worth living. During the last few months as I wrote this blog, remnants of my darkness began a new phase of being washed away. Fog and distractions that clouded and blinded me to the value the is life itself disappeared.

Because I had been very ill, being awakened in the middle of the night used to bother me to no end. There must be something wrong with me... Maybe God is punishing me. My last landlord was an old lady who used to say, "don't make god angry, or your life will not go well." My recent experiences like my toe amputation, no job and still no income in my new business partnership, can seem to be punishment or revenge inflicted on me. If the old lady is right, God is angry with me.

My most respected relative wrote scathing words telling me the same thing 2 years ago. It was like there is something less than zero and voices are saying it's my fault.

And they are right. I am to blame for all my choices and the road I walk on. I do not want revenge to or compensation from those who may have wronged me. But I do want freedom from this paranoia that life is there to get me and take revenge on me.

I realize that many do want revenge and to blame others for the oppression that is there. Let me take the example of slavery in the west. Slaves have every right to take revenge and blame their oppressors. But if they think that way, it is a new slavery to our own fear, debt, shame and anger that will seem insoluble.

In God and Nature I do not see many examples of negative numbers or being less than zero. Zero is zero. It can seem like death but it can also be a new start. The choice is ours.

Revenge, blame and the need for compensation for the past is less than zero.

Improvement, Intimacy and Inspiration is the journey out of the darkness of Zero.