Why Joy?

I think Christmas is a mystery because it means so many different things: presents, peace, Jesus, a child, a sacrifice, love, vacation, family, snow, church, mass, Christmas trees, lights, music, dinner, drinks, plays, nostalgia, Santa, singing...

I wonder if anyone will ask why Joy? I love the way Whitney and Georgia Mass Choir sang it in the 90's at the height of her popularity and her voice. Though she is gone, her voice lives on. And this song is about Joy in all its celestial folly and celebratory raucous. Why go crazy with Joy?

A lot of the music I post is as a friend puts it, is "a bunch of black people singing". I wish I could live like those who sing so freely, so full of expression, so rhythmically and so soulfully. The last one: soul.. is the key to musicality. You can be perfect in technique but have no soul.

I won't answer my own question because I'm still uncovering the depth of it in ALL of my life, not just the warm and fuzzy moments but also when I am beaten down. To give a hint of the answer, I'll just say Peace and Joy comes when we know the pain of crying out in the dark to know there is an answer. Much like this rendition of "Pass me not" done around the same time as Whitney's "Joy to the world".

Both songs are celebrating the same thing. At least I feel and see it that way now.

Happy everyday! (during and beyond the holidays).

The mystery of time

Beat the clock is good for athletic training and not much else. Yet we are rushing around like we are training for something. I know. The goal has always been to be productive by doing as much as possible in the time we have.  

Many talk about time as if it were something that always existed. It is really just a measurement of change. If nothing changes, time has no meaning. How does it apply to the concept that "there is nothing new under the Sun"? I posted a song earlier whose first line is "Nothing ever changes. Everything remains the same. We are what we are 'til the day that we die."

Change is hard and rushing around is not the key. I found that my own change happened from within, during silence, while I cried, conversed, sang, listened, thought, read, swam, walked, watched... speed was seldom needed. I waited and I changed.

If time measures change, then it may be most meaningful if we slow down.

Verge of a breakthrough?

Verge of a breakthrough? Yesterday, I felt completely free to enjoy every moment of life. In my swimming, thinking, talking and relating, I felt something new like I was just born and saw life for the first time. Yet the past only served to support and urge me forward. 

It all started under the first beautiful morning sky after a few days of cold rain. Could a breakthrough be around the corner? The picture shows how I feel even today despite unchanged circumstances. I recall a line in "A room with a view"  where George's father was adamant to give their room to Lucy and her aunt: "I don't care what I see outside. My vision is within. Here is where the birds sing and where the sky is blue." I think he used his fork to poke at his heart saying this.

I can relate to this proclamation.

Flirting with success

The aura of success begins as soon as we hear adults and other children comparing people with others. There seems to be benefit in being faster, taller, busier, brainier, louder, stronger, better... It can become a life long obsession.

I found myself living in the funk of achievement. It's natural when I feel young and still learning the ropes of life. But soon there are other things beyond my control that are designed to make me feel like a failure. Once in power, it is easy to use it to suppress or oppress, whether deliberately or incidentally. I felt a victim of such power.

It's OK most of the time to think about life as success or failure. It is a mindset so prevalent that many will think I'm writing about nothing. And I thought that my exit from my bad times would be success of some sort. It may involve that but the exit I seek and need lies elsewhere.

What I mean is being better than someone else may be true and that I need to move forward is also true. Yet the "success" of improvement or some sort of prize or achievement cannot become the security I need. 

Success is like icing or the cherry on a cake. The substance of life is in relationships that are unconditional. So I have stopped flirting with the effort of manipulation and seduction that so is taught by many to get what they want, but instead rest in the exchange with those who love me and want me to love them.

I have discovered this happens all the time. They are almost magical connections we can have with the most unlikely people. Even better, it can happen with someone so close-by and familiar, it's too easy not to treasure them and see the magic that was always there.

In the end, if there is any success to be had, I would prefer to share it with those who are like family than strangers who never go further than a flirt with success.

The right question

In education and research, asking good questions is key to learning, innovation and new directions. Religion, philosophy, institutions, science and superstition all try to answer our basic need to know why and how stuff happens. 

Some cultures tend to encourage questions in learning more than others and I hope the whole world is moving towards that. While some fear asking stupid questions, others are encouraged to be inquisitive, curious and investigate freely.

In the movie IRobot, the avatar of a dead scientist has a limited list of responses so it is up to Will Smith to ask the right question. Life is simple enough without the way we add so many requirements, don'ts, have-to's, world views, grudges, debts, limits that the right question is probably so simple, it still eludes us.

For example, in mathematics which is a logical model of the world, the concept of zero and infinity is absolutely essential in innovation such as quantum mechanics (which gave us semi-conductors and therefore the digital age)... We only had arithmetic and other simple number crunching before that using tools like the abacus which I think 21st Century kids will never have heard of.

Being a geek and nerd at heart, I see how key the simple concept of zero and infinity is, as does Mr. Kahn of khanacademy.org. Neither concept actually exist in real life. We can never find nothing or endlessness as examples.

It also translates to real life. Many commentators of the last Century said we no longer needed God in modern times. I beg to differ.

If we need the non-existent concepts of zero and infinity in math. and science to make sense of the world, we also need the concept of nothing and endlessness in life to make true sense. Some would call this concept: God.

And questions I ask Him everyday is: how do I connect with fellow humans to overcome our desperation? I hope this is the right question.

God alone

A modern french classic sad song from the 70's still celebrated like this video which was in front of the Elysée Palace in Paris (like the Whitehouse in DC). I like the original recording even more of Véronique Sanson's Ma Révérence. It's about stripping aside the things that delay a realization of loneliness such as children, friends, ambitions, beauty... for in the end we are left with a small voice that groans and sighs we are all alone in the world.

This image is everywhere. The small blue marble we live on is alone in a dark expanse as big as infinity. We are born alone  when we cry out for someone to hold us only to grow up fearing the unavoidable prospect of dying alone.

Yet, God is alone too. I posted a gospel song  earlier that echos the title He is God alone. His lonliness is assured in the definition of an all powerful being from which life begins and ends. Who can be his companion?

In my recent difficulties, I could find no way out as all doors seemed to be shut. I felt stripped of the temporary fixes that we use each day to color over the fear of boredom and loneliness. I was left to face desperation and hopelessness alone. Somehow, it is in this state that I am lifted up from the darkness and shit that symbolize the bad times.

In desperation, I cried out repeatedly and I felt someone hearing me over an over. 

I conclude with this paradox: God is alone. I am alone. The more deeply I feel this solitude, the closer I am to seeing Him. And the better I am at being close to my fellow humans. 

This song has new meaning for me He's my up when I'm down. For the "up" I'm feeling now is not one you can find in a crowd or public performance. It is in desperate loneliness, away from the bandages of compensation for solitude, that I am being lifted out of the pit of despair.

Love song Christmas

Love songs are a staple in music but I think there are as many about breaking up as about celebrating love. For me, I hear a love song at Christmas. One of God who wants to be close to us.

Our response: say what? how can the Master of the Universe be our friend? We need laws. We are unworthy. You don't exist. Why is there suffering? Who created evil?... Anything but get close to me. It's too embarrassing/uncomfortable...

I always wonder at the aversion to closeness in so many many people. Maybe we are all waiting for the right guy/girl. But why do some parents not want to be close to their own children? Or even worse, to take sexual advantage of them because sex is often mistaken for intimacy (just google the word and see how many sexually implicit pics appear).

But the story of Christmas is God becoming human. It is the ultimate way to reach out for closeness, personal intimacy and companionship. Even if you don't believe this, it's still a love song! Do you hear what I hear? I hear the story of the most anyone can do to be our closest friend: I hear God say all I want is you.

Taken through

No matter what you believe, the rhythm and bass line are hypnotic. If only life can be so lively and celebratory all the time...

I've been taken through a long spell of what feels like trouble from the law, money, friends, relatives, work, depression, loneliness, hopelessness, jail, sickness, lies, oppression... Yes it was hard but I feel like I'm through it. Enjoy this proclamation.

It reminds me of another gospel song lyric: "...so many people doubt him; I can't live without him..." and this song which David sings so gently:  "True Colors"