I found myself living in the funk of achievement. It's natural when I feel young and still learning the ropes of life. But soon there are other things beyond my control that are designed to make me feel like a failure. Once in power, it is easy to use it to suppress or oppress, whether deliberately or incidentally. I felt a victim of such power.
It's OK most of the time to think about life as success or failure. It is a mindset so prevalent that many will think I'm writing about nothing. And I thought that my exit from my bad times would be success of some sort. It may involve that but the exit I seek and need lies elsewhere.
What I mean is being better than someone else may be true and that I need to move forward is also true. Yet the "success" of improvement or some sort of prize or achievement cannot become the security I need.
Success is like icing or the cherry on a cake. The substance of life is in relationships that are unconditional. So I have stopped flirting with the effort of manipulation and seduction that so is taught by many to get what they want, but instead rest in the exchange with those who love me and want me to love them.
I have discovered this happens all the time. They are almost magical connections we can have with the most unlikely people. Even better, it can happen with someone so close-by and familiar, it's too easy not to treasure them and see the magic that was always there.
In the end, if there is any success to be had, I would prefer to share it with those who are like family than strangers who never go further than a flirt with success.
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