The opposite of "as good as it gets" could also be "too good to be true". There is a concept in many places that everything will be OK, everything is for our good, or something similar. In the movie "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel", Dev Patel says " Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end."
The singer (who reminds me of me) leads the choir to sing "working it out" over and over and over again "for my good, said he would, for my good".
How can suffering, injustice, poverty, selfishness, prejudice, deceit, greed be for my good. And how can everything revolve around each person for their good? It just doesn't make sense that everything will turn out alright, for our good, for each and everyone.
But this concept is there. We assure each other that things will be OK despite that we favor some over others and assume it must be the case with God. So many dismiss what cannot be understood. I can't persuade anyone of the truth in the song except to say I see what is happening to me to be "too good to be true" but here I am.
(I found a post of my favorite gospel song that got me hooked on this kind of soulful music)
Everybody wants to know What the future has in store Will you be or will you won’t Where is that pot of gold? When confusions got you bound And it’s hard to make a sound Just put your trust in me I’m here to set you free
I’m here to set you free Want to fill you with my love I’m here to set you free Want to fill you with my love
I don’t have a magic pill to give But i can change the way you live And just the place to start Is deep inside your heart If you give my love a chance You will enjoy the dance And if put your trust in me I’m here to set you free
I’m here to set you free Want to fill you with my love I’m here to set you free Want to fill you with my love
Sometimes life can knock you out And keep you sleeping thru the count But as long as i know that you’re rising to your knees I will lift you off the canvas and set your mind at ease I’ll set you free
I’m here to set you free Want to fill you with my love I’m here to set you free Want to fill you with my love
I’m here to set you free Want to fill you with my love I’m here to set you free Want to fill you with my love Set you free
Infinite liberty (infinitam libertatem) rather than "as good as it gets". Not that enjoying what we have is bad. But I want to enjoy the freedom to create, to search for answers, to explore, to change, to make mistakes, to love, feel bad, cry, laugh.... ad infinitum. After all, if the sun is shining inside despite the weather, what is impossible?
Things that are so "commoditized" and even free, are perhaps both the simplest and complicated tools for our well-being. Light is everywhere. The cycle of natural light runs the our lives. Deprivation of light can cause health problems but too much light can also blind us. In Physics, light is both a wave and separate photons. It's speed is thought to be absolute even though you can slow it down. A mystery.
Music is just an arrangement of sounds. It started with folk or societal music but after many years of commercialization, it is now something we buy and sell. But think about what music is and we wonder why the technical, sonic and literary aspects plus the way it is performed and heard can cause emotions much deeper than the sum of all the parts. And each person can have a different response to the same music.
Just because they are taken for granted and the media technology has overexposed great images and beautiful sounds, maybe we have become numb to the reality of the art. The use of music and light is basically music videos, movies and live performances. 3D came and went so fast and we are now facing 4K (4 times the resolution of HD). Unlimited and pervasive digital bandwidth is assumed so we can see and hear all this quality everywhere, anytime.
Yes, I geeked out in the last paragraph. But that's the point. It's like when High Fidelity (Hi-Fi, which the spell checker no longer recognize) music used to be the goal of sound systems where the technology and equipment can overtake the focus on the art of music, images can also take the focus off the quality of music. Great sounding music is not necessarily great music. For instance sexy images are often used to numb us to mediocre or bad music.
For me, the simplicity of light and sounds that can stir the soul. That's the point! And I'm rediscovering this everywhere. I'm finally singing a new song.
I sang bass and know how to play. It's been a while. I've been using portable music players ever since they were mass produced which is most of my 51 years. And I got used to having the music needing more bass. Also most of that music players on phones actually do not sound good enough to me. And I didn't care much until now.
No I don't need the US$1000 headphones and players that some insist upon. But as I regained my sensitivity to life, joy, celebration... The nuances of sound suddenly became more important. Most smart phone output is not up to par. And I don't like to be interrupted if I'm listening to music. So I bought a mini music player and earphones...
After listening to it very satisfied with the heavy bass sound for a year, I recently changed. I wanted a more balanced sound instead of the numbing bottom heavy rhythms overpowering the music.
The change reflects what my heart wants. Instead of too much of anything (even money) I am back to seeking a simpler (but probably still difficult) set of goals.
The overwhelming bass line is like having too much money. The bass line is cool but doesn't always produce the best emotional inspiring music and response. Money can similarly numb us to places of the heart, to the delicate beckoning of the weak and can confine us to respond to whomever calls us loudly...
Truth in life and the best musical experience is in the balance of technical excellence and soulful performances, between listening and participating. Once it crosses some emotional threshold, something stirs our deepest self, makes us want to dance, and awakens our dormant soul.
Could it be that desperation is covered by some exaggerated part of our lives that numbs the one most important person we need to know before we can really live and help each other? What is your exaggerated bass line? Money, work, an affair, children, laws, a schedule, food, exercise, looks, reputation, fear... I think any or all of them can be at one time or another.
This entry is rather difficult and I'm not sure if I succeeded in saying how the new joy in music and life that has been reignited is changing me more than ever. I'll keep trying in this blog and in my life.
I'm generally known to be a nice guy. Someone described me as mild when I was a teenager. It's just an image people hold of me because I often smile, have a big head and wide face. In college a friend thought I looked like the laughing Buddha. That was before I put on 80 pounds to become the chubby professional who attracted too much attention when I visited Hanoi. People all over would stare at the bald fat guy and shout out Buddha. One guy on a bicycle literally ran into a lamp post because he was too busy looking at the living Buddha...
Even when I was 100 pounds over weight, I did not look down at myself except for the natural discomfort of having too much fat and weight. Now even this albatross is gone along with a lot of bad habits, prejudices, bad memories, false trophies and much more depressing stuff like that. (Click to hear the sassy old bad ass song).
Yet there was nothing wrong with most of what I did. It was how I handled the result or was handled. Being a nice guy, I actually do not mind being criticized. But don't expect I'll take it lying down with no reaction. Even if I get angry, I actually think about what is being said (after filtering out the mindless ones).
What I learned is that I can apologize for hurting someone even if I did not intend to, but I will not apologize for being myself.
When I was down, the danger is that the digression becomes the equilibrium. It's a very geeky sentence.
Most people don't like change because it is so unpredictable. It's as if we believe the goal of life is to achieve a completely risk free routine that runs like clockwork. Maybe it is because we fear a change is for the worse so we want to "cash in" and live as well as we are. Achievements seem like points or a badge of honor that we can hold on to.
I don't buy it.
Life is more like the way our bodies work. After all of our experience is based on our physical existence. But our mind is very influential. Just take anorexia where someone's self image is skewed so much that they starve. If we don't grow, our bodies decay faster.
I'm not saying we can escape expiration when our bodies no longer function and we die. That is the only surety in life. Yet most of us just want to live a certain way the rest of our lives?
Even if we want excitement, so much of our behavior tends more towards stability and avoiding the expected. Go to school, excel, get qualifications, win awards so we can achieve some goal of living that we hang on to. For some it is fame, others security, wealth is popular... for me it is change which always have unpredictable results, therefore exciting.
Societies, companies, churches, clubs, families... any group function like our bodies. They are born and will end. While they exist, they will have ups and downs. But if the goal is to have no change, it is a sure road to some downward equilibrium.
I always wanted change. Physically, I found non-judgmental and inspiring modes of exercise that I like. I finally found out the right way to eat that makes me feel good and energetic. So after years of living, walking, working like the norm of industrial society, I am seeing a new normal.
It is growth in movement, in love, in hope, in inspiration, in friendships but also letting go of those who don't care and don't want change. Sickness is caused by stagnant situations that ignore our emotions.
Even in our old age, when we are weaker, slower ... things that make some youth tremble and treat old people badly... we can still grow. There will be always our mind, our hearts, our lives can add something to someone, to have some fun, to enjoy, to feel passionate.
You see, stagnancy creates the worst ailment: numbness. When I felt numb during my convalescence, I did all I could to stimulate all my senses. Finally, I see growth, more sensitivity, more passion...
Deeper feelings are both positive and negative. I cry and weep more. It's a pity that there is a myth that strong men "do not shed tears... only blood" ( common Chinese saying but a popular concept in many Asian cultures). Yet it is in the tears of change that we grow and learn to be strong. This is my new normal.
If you just take the gospel music I like only in the context of a church choir and the superficial understanding of the words at face value, it's not what it's all about for me. The truth I focus on is the intimate yet loud, strong and powerful proclamation and cry for help, for love, for truth, for hope, for beauty and the "eternal Yes" of Mr. Emerson in "A room with a view".
Though the music is set in a church, mostly among African Americans, with strong rhythm and soulful singing, I love this music because they express the cry for help, for affirmation, for salvation... In fact, it exists everywhere but not with everyone. For some reason, many do not cry out like the singer did, like I did....
Most of the music I love is related to this raw human need to fix loneliness, our broken heart, face the tragedy of human indifference, adjust callous policies that kill the soul... From Stravinsky, to french sad songs, to black gospel choirs, to jazz and hip hop I hear and sing with them.
So the title highlights a few ways to say yes in world with all the colors of emphasis and escape that each culture tends to encourage. My words in my blog are not religious but personal and merely proclaims "I still haven't found what I'm looking for" .... and that's the point of loving and living. Yes!
I wanted awesome simplicity and I realized what I looked forward to besides what I need to exist is : beauty. So I guess I'm looking for a model, a painting, a photograph, sweet music, a wedding, designer clothes, culture, ...? They are clues and signs of what we want to be beautiful.
The odd ball father and son in the movie clip's free spirited proclamation of the eternal "Yes" and earlier the father Mr. Emerson says "I don't care what I see outside. My vision is within! Here is where the birds sing! Here is where the sky is blue!" while poking his heart with a fork. This outlook** is close to the kind of beauty I seek.
My desire for beauty almost died and I digressed along with it. Too many compromises, disillusions, disappointments, insurmountable odds, so many requirements, debt, failure, hard times seemed to tell me everything is no. Even today people wisely tell me: make do, lower your requirements, surrender to fate, your dreams are too unrealistic, there is no magic, everything is a mirage, so just make do. And I am content to make the most of what I have but contentment does not mean I stop looking for beauty in my life.
While I was in prison, in the hospital, embattled, disappointed, afraid, lonely, hopeless, desperate... I see beauty in all of it. It's the process, the journey, the anticipation that life exists even in the darkness.
To illustrate, I return to the picture of the earth taken from the moon: a magical, blue marble in the vast darkness of space where we have some time to make beauty out of nothing. That is why children are magical. We do hardly anything and life appears with all the newness and hope of a better future.
The moment children (or anything we think we achieved) becomes some sort of trophy or raw material for our manipulation, and the process of growth stagnates. The process of life is beautiful and exists despite the mistakes and harm we often create. Discovering this during the down times is what happened to me.
**Please see my comment on the use of the word outlook.
Listen to popular interviews, product announcements and just normal conversations even and words like amazing, incredible, awesome, unbelievable, flagship, brilliant... They are good words. But how many things can be superlative all at once?
Maybe the original good, better and best deserves a comeback because "finally" is much easier to say and write then "at the end of the day".
Fashionable inflated adjectives and other descriptions come and go but the amazing simplicity I seek is more important. I think I forgot my true passion in life. It's the one thing that drives me to near crazy addictive persistence. So many things have diluted and clouded my view: cares, schedules, institutions, clubs, family, limitations, cultures, laws, norms, fashion... really all definitions we use to regulate our lives.
Though these tools for order and conformity are useful, they can impede our harmless ambitions and put out a fire that pushes us to dance, sing, embrace and grow. I remember seeing it in eyes of a rebellious teenage friend whom I met again after University to see the fire extinguished. She is happy with her family and children I think.
My fire almost went out too. And I am still trying to see the spark that started it. My passion for life is back and I'm trying to see the "big bang" event that started me off to love instead of just being curious and obedient.
This "one thing" will be amazingly simple. But there are still a few distortions in the way of my view. I yearn to see this amazing simplicity.
One of my favourite childhood books is "My family and other animals". It's a funny look at animals and their relationship with humans. The blog entry title comes from a tag line on some Carnation milk products, "from contented cows".
Contentment seems less than being happy in English but in many Latin languages they are used more often to mean the same thing. I'm learning again to be content and free to be me.
Today feels like spring in Hong Kong and I marveled at the seemingly quick short winter. It reminded me of another book title "The Winter of our Discontent" by John Steinbeck whose "East of Eden" is another of my favorite books.
Despite the Arctic winter cold in some places and other cold spells here my personal winter seems to be finally over. And I'm finding contentment again. With it, I hold on to those who love me.
Facebook has systematized friendships for the masses but for me, it brings me no closer to solving the mystery of friends. I'm not talking about the company of friends and those we know better than the strangers we see everywhere. I need that as we all do. Any contact with another person makes us who we are.
Yet, I think we all know we are alone even when we are with our soul mate because it is not possible to fully be someone else and share our vision, our feelings, thought, fears, hopes, love, hate, our mind, body and soul. The mystery for me comes down to a book called "Why am I afraid to tell you who I am." It was cool for the time but the images will seem outdated now.
The question is still there each day facing all of us. I posted a song by a french singer whose famous song ended with the small voice inside us who tells us we are alone.
Most people will do anything but face that feeling. Even my little 4 year old niece said in her innocence that she'll never be by herself. It's something a busy schedule and obligations seems to cover over. I believe we are all afraid of knowing we are really alone. Perhaps that is the most frightening thing about death. Maybe even the mundane feeling of being bored has to do with the fear of loneliness.
I always wanted a friend to share everything in my life as soon as I discovered boredom. I remember asking my parents why I would enjoy playing with a toy one day and not the next but maybe later like it again. I don't recall any response.
A new song I'm listening to is my own answer. They sing about Jesus being "your friend" like an advertisement and it's easy to dismiss it as simple or even silly. All the controversy surrounding Jesus is not my point.
I just want to ask why so many do not seem to want a friend to share all of life so I do not have to walk alone? I don't think many get far enough to ask why be afraid to tell others who we really are. I wrote in my last entry how I cried out in the darkness in complete despair, fully aware of my desolation, loneliness and helplessness only to hear a response.
My life has been more like Emma Stone's character than Octavia Spencer's (who won best supporting actress), because my life has been easy until the past 7 years. My blog and crying out each day has been a result of feeling completely helpless despite all the people who are there beside me.
It is something I had to go through to become stronger, healthier, more in tune, more me and living proof that God exists. For in silence of abandonment, I found a hand, an embrace, heard a voice, a comfort and crying. In the quiet of being helped from within, I felt a deep change and perhaps power to live that I have not felt before. And it has nothing to do with my own striving and effort, I just let go and live.
It's not the first time I saw the movie "The help". But Mary J. Blige's song during the credits never sang so loudly into me than just now... so I bought it and will listen to it often.
The little statue in the light jutting out of the dark street under a highway is Dr. Sun Yat Sen. He appears to be standing on top of the walkway just above the red holiday flowers.
For me the feeling of rising above the mundane is mixed with the need to dance in the streets (another popular song with a street theme from 1964). The Doobie Brothers song from the 70's which Take 6 covered on their "Beautiful World" album is exactly how I feel this year.
On January 1, 2013 (last year) I remember panicking that nothing had taken off yet. Seemingly out of the blue an old friend asked if we shouldn't catch up over coffee soon only to disappear (perhaps forever) on hearing my new company was looking for funds.
This year, I woke up knowing who loves me, whom I love, what I wanted and now where it would take place: the street. I'm not talking about rioting or demonstrating. I'm thinking about something outside our falsely secure glass metal temples to corporate power and funding whose luxury offices many still aspire to. For me, these buildings are the new "emperor's new clothes": naked, empty and impressive by name only.
Instead of creating the facade of work and productivity like the invisible clothes the emperor wore only to be called out by a small child. Our clothes, towers, schedules and power are ostentatious, obvious and screams out for attention. But like the imaginary emperor's clothes, their substance is but a dream.
My office is anywhere my working partners are, be they colleagues, clients, partners, friends... Satisfying relationships and service that leads to creating value for us must be the substance, adornment and proclamation. Value must be more than money or glitz. It is about a joyful moment, a realization, some improvement, a new discovery, a new view point, a fresh thought... things that throwing money at cannot achieve.
The missing element to all of life's treasure is the act of going outside ourselves, in the streets of humanity to make something out of the mundane, something that refreshes ourselves and those we relate to. These moments are often to be found in the streets, outside, in the unknown, among strange places, on unfamiliar faces... I want to be "takin it to the streets: Take (6) a listen....
I also found a live performance in 1996 by the original Michael Mcdonald....
